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I can’t even imagine how painful this has been for you.
I finally found a sponsor, and we will start meeting once a week on Tuesdays for lunch. He said they should take about a year to complete on average, but this can vary from person to person.
An ugly or overweight (usually) female character is noticeably attracted to a male protagonist. The protagonist realizes this, and is profoundly uncomfortable with the whole idea, but the female character either doesn't realize he's not interested or is undeterred.
Yet the character is not just uncomfortable; he's shocked, horrified, or disgusted.
If she is resistant, don’t let it turn into an argument. If there are still secrets in the marriage, your wife probably senses this and this will hinder effort you take to improve your marriage.
Get help from a professional who specializes in working with partners of sex addicts from a sex addiction-induced trauma perspective. Even though she may be afraid to believe anything you tell her or show any vulnerability, she does notice these things, and they do make a difference. Even if there are no more secrets she will still doubt because of the years of lying that have given her no reason to trust.