Some guys are just stuck in their routine—always drinks, never dinner—without really thinking about the message it sends. Suss out which one you're dealing with by suggesting "a great sushi place" you heard about for date number-three and see if he bites.Stonewalling I'm often skeptical when we talk about the "differences between men and women," as I suspect that, 90 percent of the time, we're more similar than dissimilar. Plenty of men really do have a hard time talking honestly about our emotions, so if we're faced with a Big Emotional Talk we'll change the subject, bottle up our feelings, or deflect the awkwardness by making a (probably bad) joke. Besides, if you can't deal with my farts, growing old together is pretty much out of the question. You might have to smother me with a pillow someday and keep pigeons from pooping on my decaying body. I'm flat-out, motherfucking weird, and I'm surrounded by weird people. Did you think that Chipotle burrito was going to digest itself? This, my friend, is what true love is: the glory of shared objectification. Pretending to be "normal." I'm not "quirky" like Zooey Deschanel. My mother danced on a table at a gay bar during my graduation. My dad's partner is a sort-of mail-order bride, my uncle has a past-life counselor and my Nana believes I'm being haunted by the ghost of an Indian man. This will make us think you're curious to know if you fit what we're looking for in a man. And that can make us think you have romantic feelings for us. It's not that we're emotionless—we're clueless. Pulling The Slow Fade There's a special place in hell for men who never return a call (or text) and abruptly disappear forever.But sometimes we fade out a little more slowly to "make things easier" for everyone.
But if you don't fancy us in a romantic way at all, then let's split the bill. I feel like I'm tricking you into thinking my butt is better than it is. When I was eighteen, I was the type who was always ready to meet him, obsessing over whether the guy across from me on the train was "The One" or that dude who smiled at me on the train was it. Or, we stonewall—put on a stoic, blank, emotionless face that implies, wrongly, that we just don't care.Once again we're sending you the wrong signal.